Divorce and Custody
Ever wondered how the judge decides which parent receives custody of you? Or why you aren't allowed to just decide for yourself? Well, here are your answers!
How Do Judges Decide Your Custody?
Here's an example I found (from Michigan) of some of the factors judges may consider in the best interests of the children when they award custody. This is a direct quote from the Child Custody Act of 1970, so pardon the legal style of writing. I put more simplified translations in italics under each item.
(a) The love, affection, and other emotional ties existing between the parties involved and the child.
Do you love each other?
(b) The capacity and disposition of the parties involved to give the child love, affection, and guidance and to continue the education and raising of the child in his or her religion or creed, if any.
More love, plus who can best educate you.
(c) The capacity and disposition of the parties involved to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care or other remedial care recognized and permitted under the laws of this state in place of medical care, and other material needs.
Can/will your parent take care of your basic needs?
(d) The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment, and the desirability of maintaining continuity.
Which parent have you lived with longest and most successfully?
(e) The permanence, as a family unit, of the existing or proposed custodial home or homes.
Even I had a rough time with this one, but I think it means: Is your current or future home going to be permanent?
(f) The moral fitness of the parties involved.
The definition of moral fitness is kind of vague, but after a quick Google search it appears to involve things like criminal history and adultery.
(g) The mental and physical health of the parties involved.
Are both parents healthy in both mind and body?
(h) The home, school, and community record of the child.
How have you yourself been doing?
(i) The reasonable preference of the child, if the court considers the child to be of sufficient age to express preference.
Your opinion actually gets taken into account!
(j) The willingness and ability of each of the parties to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent or the child and the parents.
Will your parent encourage you to stay in touch with your other parent?
(k) Domestic violence, regardless of whether the violence was directed against or witnessed by the child.
Was there domestic violence at home?
(l) Any other factor considered by the court to be relevant to a particular child custody dispute.
Miscellaneous
Like I said, that's just an example, but for me it's proof that judges really do try to do what's best of you. You will not end up with a bad parent.
Why Can't I Decide For Myself?
If you're judged to be mature enough, sometimes the judge will let you participate in the decision as to which parent gets custody of you. "Why can't I just choose which parent I live with?" you may be wondering. That's a good question - it is your family, so why isn't it legally your decision? I honestly didn't know the answer, and no one would tell me for fear of giving legal advice. [Which apparently is incredibly important to avoid if you're not a lawyer, so know this now; I give no legal advice in this website! Seriously, guys, I'm just a student like you, with no training in law, so if you have legal questions go ask a lawyer.] Anyways, for the answer I consulted a book which I've mentioned elsewhere in the website, called Divorce: Young People Caught in the Middle, by Beth Levine. And the answer is that if you're judged mature enough, generally age 13 and older, your wishes are given serious consideration. However, you're not allowed to actually choose for yourself because your decision would be affected by a whole host of outside factors. Your decision could be influenced by...
1. Fear of your parents' anger if you don't choose to live with them.
2. Guilt about abandoning one of your parents, or feeling that one of your parents needs you to help them.
3. Anger at one of your parents.
4. Fear of abandonment, which could drive you to choose the parent you worry might leave if you don't live with them.
5. Your parents themselves, through threats or bribery.
So ultimately the judge, an unbiased and impartial person, chooses who you'll live with. This does take the decision out of your hands, but it is done with your interests at heart, as frustrating as that may sound.
How Do Judges Decide Your Custody?
Here's an example I found (from Michigan) of some of the factors judges may consider in the best interests of the children when they award custody. This is a direct quote from the Child Custody Act of 1970, so pardon the legal style of writing. I put more simplified translations in italics under each item.
(a) The love, affection, and other emotional ties existing between the parties involved and the child.
Do you love each other?
(b) The capacity and disposition of the parties involved to give the child love, affection, and guidance and to continue the education and raising of the child in his or her religion or creed, if any.
More love, plus who can best educate you.
(c) The capacity and disposition of the parties involved to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care or other remedial care recognized and permitted under the laws of this state in place of medical care, and other material needs.
Can/will your parent take care of your basic needs?
(d) The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment, and the desirability of maintaining continuity.
Which parent have you lived with longest and most successfully?
(e) The permanence, as a family unit, of the existing or proposed custodial home or homes.
Even I had a rough time with this one, but I think it means: Is your current or future home going to be permanent?
(f) The moral fitness of the parties involved.
The definition of moral fitness is kind of vague, but after a quick Google search it appears to involve things like criminal history and adultery.
(g) The mental and physical health of the parties involved.
Are both parents healthy in both mind and body?
(h) The home, school, and community record of the child.
How have you yourself been doing?
(i) The reasonable preference of the child, if the court considers the child to be of sufficient age to express preference.
Your opinion actually gets taken into account!
(j) The willingness and ability of each of the parties to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent or the child and the parents.
Will your parent encourage you to stay in touch with your other parent?
(k) Domestic violence, regardless of whether the violence was directed against or witnessed by the child.
Was there domestic violence at home?
(l) Any other factor considered by the court to be relevant to a particular child custody dispute.
Miscellaneous
Like I said, that's just an example, but for me it's proof that judges really do try to do what's best of you. You will not end up with a bad parent.
Why Can't I Decide For Myself?
If you're judged to be mature enough, sometimes the judge will let you participate in the decision as to which parent gets custody of you. "Why can't I just choose which parent I live with?" you may be wondering. That's a good question - it is your family, so why isn't it legally your decision? I honestly didn't know the answer, and no one would tell me for fear of giving legal advice. [Which apparently is incredibly important to avoid if you're not a lawyer, so know this now; I give no legal advice in this website! Seriously, guys, I'm just a student like you, with no training in law, so if you have legal questions go ask a lawyer.] Anyways, for the answer I consulted a book which I've mentioned elsewhere in the website, called Divorce: Young People Caught in the Middle, by Beth Levine. And the answer is that if you're judged mature enough, generally age 13 and older, your wishes are given serious consideration. However, you're not allowed to actually choose for yourself because your decision would be affected by a whole host of outside factors. Your decision could be influenced by...
1. Fear of your parents' anger if you don't choose to live with them.
2. Guilt about abandoning one of your parents, or feeling that one of your parents needs you to help them.
3. Anger at one of your parents.
4. Fear of abandonment, which could drive you to choose the parent you worry might leave if you don't live with them.
5. Your parents themselves, through threats or bribery.
So ultimately the judge, an unbiased and impartial person, chooses who you'll live with. This does take the decision out of your hands, but it is done with your interests at heart, as frustrating as that may sound.