Dealing with Grief
When your parents decide to get a divorce, grieving the loss of your family is completely normal. It may help you to know the stages of grief and how they work so that you can recognize them when they happen to you. There are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You may recognize these from the Elizabeth Kubler Ross's five stages of grief after the death of a loved one. Why does it still apply? Because you're still dealing with a loss that will change your life forever. It's okay to feel this way - it happens to everyone. It's important to know that you may experience any one of these stages, not necessarily in this order.
1. Denial
This stage doesn't tend to last long, but most people go through it. You may think things such as, "This can't be happening to me."
2. Anger
During this stage you may push others away from you, or be difficult to be around. You might experience thoughts like, "How could they do this to me?!"
3. Bargaining
This is where you've accepted that the divorce is going to happen, but you want to put it off a little longer. You may think, "I'll be a great kid if they don't divorce," or "Just let them wait until I finish high school."
4. Depression
At this point you realize that not only are your parents going to divorce, but also that you can't put it off. You may feel sad and cry a lot, or not feel like doing some of the things you used to enjoy. During this stage, you may think, "Nothing will ever be the same again - why bother with anything?" or "What's the point of it all?" Unfortunately that's pretty normal. This is an important stage of grieving, like all of the other stages, and it's not something others should try to cheer you out of. You're dealing in your own way, and that's fine. However, if you get stuck in this stage, or any of the previous stages, you may need to see a counselor or a psychologist.
5. Acceptance
Here you accept that the divorce is inevitable and you know you'll have to adjust to it. This doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be happy with it, and you may still want to be left alone for a while. You may think, "If I can't fight it, I might as well prepare for it," or "Everything will be okay in the end."
1. Denial
This stage doesn't tend to last long, but most people go through it. You may think things such as, "This can't be happening to me."
2. Anger
During this stage you may push others away from you, or be difficult to be around. You might experience thoughts like, "How could they do this to me?!"
3. Bargaining
This is where you've accepted that the divorce is going to happen, but you want to put it off a little longer. You may think, "I'll be a great kid if they don't divorce," or "Just let them wait until I finish high school."
4. Depression
At this point you realize that not only are your parents going to divorce, but also that you can't put it off. You may feel sad and cry a lot, or not feel like doing some of the things you used to enjoy. During this stage, you may think, "Nothing will ever be the same again - why bother with anything?" or "What's the point of it all?" Unfortunately that's pretty normal. This is an important stage of grieving, like all of the other stages, and it's not something others should try to cheer you out of. You're dealing in your own way, and that's fine. However, if you get stuck in this stage, or any of the previous stages, you may need to see a counselor or a psychologist.
5. Acceptance
Here you accept that the divorce is inevitable and you know you'll have to adjust to it. This doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be happy with it, and you may still want to be left alone for a while. You may think, "If I can't fight it, I might as well prepare for it," or "Everything will be okay in the end."