The Basic Vocabulary
This page goes over the basic terms you need to know to be able to understand and contribute to the discussion of your parents' divorce. These terms are going to start being used a lot in your family, and if you want to be part of the conversation and make your wishes known it's important that you understand what's going on. The terms include: divorce, custody, visitation, child support, and alimony. Know what all of these are already? Feel free to move on! But if you don't, or you're not sure, keep reading. I'll give you the more official definition, and then I'll translate it into more teen-friendly terms.
Divorce
Official: "The action or instance of legally dissolving a marriage."
What you need to know:
This is when your parents separate legally and start dividing up their money and possessions. After they're legally divorced they'll also decide who gets custody of you. Basic stuff, but it gets more complicated from here.
Custody
Official: "Immediate charge and control, as over a ward, exercised by a person."
What you need to know:
The parent who has sole or primary custody over you is the parent who is essentially in charge of taking care of you and making decisions that involve you. Just because one parent has primary custody of you doesn't mean that you'll never see the other parent, though - it just means there's one parent legally in charge of you. You'll probably live with that parent most of the time. When both parents share custody of you, it's called joint custody. There are two types of joint custody: joint legal custody and joint physical custody. Joint legal custody is really easy to get confused with sole custody, because you still live with one main parent. The only difference is that both parents have the power to make decisions involving you. With joint physical custody, not only do both parents make decisions, but you'll also take turns living with them. I know it's a bit confusing, so to make it easier for you as to which I'm talking about, I'll just call them sole custody and joint custody in the website, and use joint custody to refer only to joint physical custody.
Visitation
Official: "Temporary custody of a child granted to a noncustodial parent."
What you need to know:
In plain terms, visitation is just what it sounds like - when you go visit the other parent. Sometimes these visits are supervised, depending on what the judge decides. Visitation is awarded to the noncustodial parent by a court, and typically has you go visit the other parent every other weekend and on certain holidays, although this varies by person. If you have questions, talk to your parent. For me, my dad had visitation every other weekend and during some holidays. I was used to celebrating most holiday traditions with my mom, though, so I asked him if it would be okay if I spent Christmas Eve with him rather than Christmas Day. In my case, he and my mom were fine with it, but you can't know until you ask.
Child support
Official: "Court-ordered support paid by one spouse to the other who has custody of the children after the parents are separated."
What you need to know:
This is basically when one of your parents, typically the parent who doesn't have custody of you, gives the other parent money to help them take care of you.
Alimony
Official: "An allowance made to one spouse by another for support pending or after legal separation or divorce."
What you need to know:
Typically in a family one parent makes more money than another. When they divorce, the parent that makes the most money often gives the other parent money to help them support themselves.