Advice for Parents
I realize that parents are also struggling with divorce, and may not always know what to do, so included in this section are suggestions from a teen's point of view for what you can do to help your kids, followed by links that you can visit.
One of the many questions parents have when they divorce is, what will happen to the kids? What can we do for them? My answer is simple; just be there for us! That's really the #1 thing that we need. But if you want a more detailed list, I adapted one from Divorce: Young People Caught in the Middle, by Beth Levine. A lot of it's pretty basic stuff, but it's also incredibly important.
What Can You Do?
1. Take care of yourself. I understand that divorce isn't just tough on kids, it's tough for parents, too. Far too often divorced parents experience depression, which isn't only bad for you, it's bad for your kids in terms of stress. Get the help you need. If you've read the rest of the website, you'll know I'm a big fan of therapy for the teens, and I'm going to recommend it for you, too. Getting help for yourself is one of the best things you can do for your kids.
2. Encourage us to keep a positive, constant relationship with the other parent, if it's possible. If not, find another stable figure to include in our lives. Grandparents, aunts/uncles, and youth pastors are just some suggestions, but it doesn't really matter so much as long as they're a healthy presence in our lives.
3. Keep your kids out of your arguments. That means not detailing our other parent's faults, or letting anger get in the way of letting your kid visit their other parent, among other things.
4. Establish a routine and maintain structure to the best of your ability. We've just gone through one huge change - give us something stable to hold on to in the middle of all this chaos.
5. Have both spouses work together and avoid fighting around the kids. Easier said than done, I know, but if it can be managed, it will ease the transition and lower the stress that your children go through.
One of the many questions parents have when they divorce is, what will happen to the kids? What can we do for them? My answer is simple; just be there for us! That's really the #1 thing that we need. But if you want a more detailed list, I adapted one from Divorce: Young People Caught in the Middle, by Beth Levine. A lot of it's pretty basic stuff, but it's also incredibly important.
What Can You Do?
1. Take care of yourself. I understand that divorce isn't just tough on kids, it's tough for parents, too. Far too often divorced parents experience depression, which isn't only bad for you, it's bad for your kids in terms of stress. Get the help you need. If you've read the rest of the website, you'll know I'm a big fan of therapy for the teens, and I'm going to recommend it for you, too. Getting help for yourself is one of the best things you can do for your kids.
2. Encourage us to keep a positive, constant relationship with the other parent, if it's possible. If not, find another stable figure to include in our lives. Grandparents, aunts/uncles, and youth pastors are just some suggestions, but it doesn't really matter so much as long as they're a healthy presence in our lives.
3. Keep your kids out of your arguments. That means not detailing our other parent's faults, or letting anger get in the way of letting your kid visit their other parent, among other things.
4. Establish a routine and maintain structure to the best of your ability. We've just gone through one huge change - give us something stable to hold on to in the middle of all this chaos.
5. Have both spouses work together and avoid fighting around the kids. Easier said than done, I know, but if it can be managed, it will ease the transition and lower the stress that your children go through.