Ways of Coping
With all the changes to prepare for as your parents divorce, the stress can get overwhelming. That's why it's important to learn to cope, or deal with, that stress. There are both good and bad ways of coping, and here I'll give you some of the good choices that you can use. Unfortunately, I won't be able to list all of them, so this is where you just use common sense to tell the difference between what might be a good way of coping and a bad way. Just ask yourself if it sounds healthy and if it will make you feel better - if the answer is yes to both, it's probably a good way of coping. Pop quiz: Is alcohol a healthy way of coping? The answer I'm looking for here is a pretty clear 'no'. If you have questions, always ask a counselor or psychologist.
#1: Talking
#1: Talking
Believe it or not, no matter how alone you might feel there is someone out there that you can talk to. Naturally, there's the traditional group - priests, teachers, and guidance counselors - but there are others, too. You might feel a lot more comfortable talking to your youth pastor, for example, rather than your minister.
Psychologists and counselors, as I keep mentioning - with good reason! - are also a great resource. They're people who you can safely talk to about your problems because they're required by law to keep what you say secret, unless there are circumstances in which they think you are a threat to yourself, for example. Ask about school psychologists; they often deal with kids whose parents are divorcing and can help you for free.
If things ever get really bad and you need someone to talk to right away, there are always hotlines you can call to get immediate help in a crisis. The Boys Town Suicide and Crisis Line (800-448-3000 or 800-448-1833) is one example of a hotline you can call for help from the United States, Canada, or Guam. It's for any crisis, not just suicide, and it's free. Check the links page for more hotline options.
#2: Exercise
Psychologists and counselors, as I keep mentioning - with good reason! - are also a great resource. They're people who you can safely talk to about your problems because they're required by law to keep what you say secret, unless there are circumstances in which they think you are a threat to yourself, for example. Ask about school psychologists; they often deal with kids whose parents are divorcing and can help you for free.
If things ever get really bad and you need someone to talk to right away, there are always hotlines you can call to get immediate help in a crisis. The Boys Town Suicide and Crisis Line (800-448-3000 or 800-448-1833) is one example of a hotline you can call for help from the United States, Canada, or Guam. It's for any crisis, not just suicide, and it's free. Check the links page for more hotline options.
#2: Exercise
Yes, exercise is actually a way of coping. Why does it help? It's essentially the same concept as a 'runner's high', which happen after you exercise for a while and afterwards feel like you're on top of the world. The same basic idea applies to any moderate exercise - you still come out feeling happier. You don't have to hop on a treadmill to feel better; just get out and ride your bike or play some basketball. Even dancing can help! Setting up a routine to get out and exercise gives you something stable to look forward to in your day, which may otherwise be lacking in your life. If you want to, exercising with a friend, or even your family, is a great idea!
#3: Journals
#3: Journals
These are just great places to get your thoughts and feelings sorted out. If you're stressed about the coming divorce and feeling angry or afraid, this is where you can write it all down. Even if you don't feel comfortable talking to others or exercising, writing in a journal can make you feel better. If you keep a long-term, detailed journal you can look back in it for trends of what makes you feel good and what makes you feel bad.
If you don't feel comfortable keeping a journal around where others can find it, you have options. First, you can hide it. The effectiveness of this option depends on just how creative you are. Your second option is to shred it. That way you can write about your feelings, maybe write a mock letter to your parents if you're upset with them, and then you can shred the letter when you're done. You never have to worry about someone else reading it, and it will still help you sort out your thoughts. Finally, you can send yourself emails where you type out how you're feeling. This way you can still go back and look at what you wrote, but your journal is password protected. No matter your choice, keeping a journal is a great way of coping with the divorce of your parents.
A reader, MRB, pointed out a website to me that offers online journaling (which you can choose to make public or private) and support groups for children of divorced parents, depression, and many more. It can be tough to start talking to others, or find a place where you feel safe keeping your journal. This website offers a safe, anonymous environment to help you do both these things. And, yes, it's free. Check it out!
http://www.dailystrength.org/
#4: Other Healthy Ways
This is the 'Create-Your-Own' slot. There isn't one right way of coping; there are many other healthy ways of doing so. Praying, reading, playing music - they're all great! Just use common sense to find the healthy coping method that will work for you, and if you need more help or have questions, always talk to a counselor.
If you don't feel comfortable keeping a journal around where others can find it, you have options. First, you can hide it. The effectiveness of this option depends on just how creative you are. Your second option is to shred it. That way you can write about your feelings, maybe write a mock letter to your parents if you're upset with them, and then you can shred the letter when you're done. You never have to worry about someone else reading it, and it will still help you sort out your thoughts. Finally, you can send yourself emails where you type out how you're feeling. This way you can still go back and look at what you wrote, but your journal is password protected. No matter your choice, keeping a journal is a great way of coping with the divorce of your parents.
A reader, MRB, pointed out a website to me that offers online journaling (which you can choose to make public or private) and support groups for children of divorced parents, depression, and many more. It can be tough to start talking to others, or find a place where you feel safe keeping your journal. This website offers a safe, anonymous environment to help you do both these things. And, yes, it's free. Check it out!
http://www.dailystrength.org/
#4: Other Healthy Ways
This is the 'Create-Your-Own' slot. There isn't one right way of coping; there are many other healthy ways of doing so. Praying, reading, playing music - they're all great! Just use common sense to find the healthy coping method that will work for you, and if you need more help or have questions, always talk to a counselor.